Q: What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
A: "You may have graduated but I've got many degrees"
A hydrogen atom came running into a police station asking for help....
Hydrogen atom: "Someone just stole my electron!"
Policeman: "Are you sure?"
Hydrogen atom: "Yes, I'm positive"
Policeman: "Oh, I thought you were just being negative again."
Q: Why is electricity so dangerous?
A: It doesn't conduct itself.
Q: What's the difference between a mathematician and a physicist?
A: A mathematician thinks that two points are enough to define a strait line while a physicist wants more data
SUBATOMIC PARTICLE STORE:
The subatomic particle store had a sale last week.
Neutrons : free of charge
WHY THE SKY IS BLUE
I don't suppose you happen to know
Why the sky is blue? It's because the snow
Takes out the white. That leaves it clean
For the trees and grass to take out the green.
Then pears and bananas start to mellow,
And bit by bit they take out the yellow.
The sunsets, of course, take out the red
And pour it into the ocean bed
Or behind the mountains in the west.
You take all that out and the rest
Couldn't be anything else but blue.
Look for yourself. You can see it's true.
A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Issac Newton1: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.
Issac Newton2: It was pushed on the road.
Issac Newton3: It was pushed on the road by another chicken, which went away from the road.
Issac Newton4: It was attracted to a chicken on the other side of the road.
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.
You enter the laboratory and see an experiment.
How will you know which class is it?
If it's green and wiggles, it's biology.
If it stinks, it's chemistry.
If it doesn't work, it's physics.
Q: Two cats are on a roof. Which slides off first?
A: The one with the smaller mew (Greek letter mu - μ).
Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg says, "No, but I know where I am."
Ivan Ivanovich, the great Russian scientist does an experiment. He wants to know how fast a thermometer falls down. He takes a thermometer and a light, a candle light. He drops both from the 3rd floor and recognizes that they are reaching the ground at the same time. Ivan Ivanovich, the great Russian scientist writes in his book: A thermometer falls with the speed of light.
When was Heisenberg born?
Oh, that's very uncertain.
Two hairs in my cup of milk is too much.
Two hairs on my head is too less